“Mom is tired but it’ll be fine”, “I can handle everything”, “Rest is for the weak”… Do these phrases sound familiar? As African women, we grew up with the image of these tireless mothers, aunts, and grandmothers, true pillars of the family. But at what cost?
Strong Woman Syndrome: A Toxic Heritage?
In our African cultures, the strong woman is celebrated, admired. She’s the one who never bends, who carries her family, her work, her community responsibilities without ever faltering – at least in appearance. This image, though inspiring, hides a darker reality: physical and emotional exhaustion.
Warning Signs: When Your Body and Mind Are Crying for Help
1. Physical Signals
- Chronic fatigue: You wake up tired even after a night’s sleep
- Frequent headaches: These headaches that particularly occur at the end of the day
- Muscle tension: That sensation of carrying the world on your shoulders isn’t just a metaphor
- Digestive issues: Bloating, acidity, loss of appetite
- Sleep disorders: Difficulty falling asleep despite exhaustion, night wakings
2. Emotional Signals
- Unusual irritability: You get angry about details that didn’t affect you before
- Hypersensitivity: Tears that come without apparent reason
- Feeling of isolation: Even when surrounded, you feel alone
- Loss of joy: Activities that used to excite you no longer bring pleasure
- Growing anxiety: That knot in your stomach that won’t go away
3. Behavioral Signals
- New procrastination: You who were so organized, now put everything off until later
- Concentration difficulties: Your mind wanders, impossible to stay focused
- Compensatory behaviors: Compulsive snacking, compulsive shopping, endless social media scrolling
- Self-neglect: No more time or energy for your beauty routine or hobbies
- Hyperactivity: You can’t stop, as if rest has become frightening
4. Relational Signals
- Social isolation: You decline invitations, even those you would have enjoyed before
- Impatience with loved ones: The smallest request becomes a mountain
- Difficulty saying no: Paradoxically, you continue to accept new responsibilities
- Strained relationships: Your loved ones find you changed, distant
- Permanent guilt: The feeling of never doing enough despite everything
These signals are important messages that your body and mind are sending you. Ignoring them only amplifies the problem. Recognizing these signs is already taking the first step toward change.
What to Do About These Signals?
1. Acceptance
The first step is to accept that these signals exist and that they are legitimate. They are not a sign of weakness but proof that you are human.
2. Evaluation
Take a moment to note in a journal:
- Which signals are you experiencing?
- For how long?
- In what situations do they intensify?
3. Action
- Consult a healthcare professional if physical symptoms persist
- Identify non-essential activities that you can delegate
- Establish non-negotiable rest moments in your day
Conscious Rest: A New Approach
Conscious rest goes beyond a simple break. It’s an art that requires:
1. Recognizing Your Limits
- Accepting that we are not superhuman
- Listening to our body’s signals
- Daring to say “no” when necessary
2. Planning Rest
- Blocking dedicated time slots for rest
- Creating relaxation rituals (hot bath, reading, meditation)
- Delegating certain tasks without guilt
3. Practicing Active Rest
- Guided meditation
- Conscious breathing
- 20-minute restorative nap
- Contemplative walk
Reinventing Our Relationship with Rest
The true power of a strong woman lies in her ability to:
- Recognize her needs
- Set healthy boundaries
- Take care of herself to better care for others
Rest Rituals to Adopt
1. Gentle Awakening
- Wake up 15 minutes earlier
- Practice some stretches
- Drink warm lemon water
2. Mid-day Break
- Isolate yourself for 10 minutes
- Breathe deeply
- Disconnect from screens
3. Evening Ritual
- Relaxing bath with essential oils
- Light reading
- Moment of gratitude
The Importance of Community Support
Remember that you are not alone. Create a support circle:
- Share with other women
- Organize talking circles
- Exchange experiences
Being a strong woman isn’t about carrying the world on your shoulders until exhaustion. It’s about having the wisdom to recognize your limits and the courage to take care of yourself. Rest isn’t a luxury, it’s a necessity.
Start today: identify an activity that exhausts you and find how to delegate or reorganize it. Your well-being is non-negotiable – it is the foundation of your true strength.
“Taking care of yourself is not selfish, it’s self-preservation, and it’s an act of survival.” – Audre Lorde
What small step can you take today toward more conscious rest?