In the intricate web of African family relationships, there exists a little-known phenomenon that affects many people men and women : pentheraphobia. This term, which may sound like it comes from a comedic novel, actually describes a very real and sometimes debilitating psychological condition.
What is Pentheraphobia?
Pentheraphobia, from the Greek “penthera” (mother-in-law) and “phobos” (fear), is an irrational and excessive fear of one’s mother-in-law. This phobia is characterized by intense anxiety and an almost compulsive desire to avoid any interaction with one’s spouse’s mother.
In many African societies, where relationships with the in-laws are often seen as crucial to marital harmony, pentheraphobia can be particularly problematic. It can manifest as cold sweats at the thought of meeting the mother-in-law, a tendency to avoid family gatherings, or constant excuses to avoid visiting her.
A Concrete Case: The Story of Aminata
Let’s take the example of Aminata, a 28-year-old woman living in Dakar. Since her marriage to Ousmane two years ago, Aminata has suffered from pentheraphobia. Her mother-in-law, Maman Fatou, is a respected woman in the community, known for her strong character and firm opinions on how a woman should manage her household.
Whenever Maman Fatou announces a visit, Aminata panics. She frantically cleans the house, fearing her mother-in-law’s remarks about the cleanliness of the home. During the last Tabaski, while the entire family gathered, Aminata spent most of the day in the kitchen, pretending she needed to constantly monitor the cooking, just to avoid being alone with Maman Fatou.
The situation worsened recently when Aminata learned that Maman Fatou was planning to stay with them for a month to help after the birth of their first child. This news triggered anxiety attacks and insomnia for Aminata.
The Impact on Family Life
Aminata’s pentheraphobia is beginning to have a serious impact on her married life. Ousmane, who deeply loves both his mother and his wife, feels caught in the middle. He doesn’t understand why Aminata always has an excuse to avoid visiting his parents, and he is concerned about the growing tension whenever his mother is mentioned.
This situation is also affecting Aminata’s relationship with the rest of Ousmane’s family. His sisters have noticed her distant behavior and are starting to view her as snobbish or uninterested in the family.
Overcoming Pentheraphobia
Acknowledging the problem is the first step towards overcoming it. Aminata recently admitted to Ousmane that she has an irrational fear of his mother. Together, they are looking for ways to manage this phobia:
- Open Communication: Aminata is trying to calmly and thoughtfully express her fears to Ousmane.
- Gradual Exposure: With Ousmane’s help, Aminata plans short meetings with her mother-in-law to gradually get used to her presence.
- Therapy: The couple is considering consulting a family therapist to gain professional tools for managing the situation.
- Redefining Expectations: Aminata is working on accepting that she doesn’t need to be a “perfect” daughter-in-law by her mother-in-law’s standards.
Pentheraphobia is a challenge, but with understanding, patience, and the right strategies, it can be overcome. For Aminata and many others in her situation, the path to harmonious family relationships may be long, but each small step counts.